what do women really want?

At the recent Mighty Men of Valour (MMV) conference we had an open debate focusing on: “What do men really want?” This conference was the second of a two part debate to determine what men and women want from a relationship.

From our first conference “What do women really want?” we found that some women focused on the concept of the wedding ceremony as though this was the marriage itself and not the relationship between two people for life.

This could be the result of growing up watching Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, reading Mills and Boons novels and the watching wedding of Prince Charles and Diana. It is easy to understand why some women now seem to focus on the build up to the wedding ceremony rather than the long-term relationship. It seems that women look forward more so to the planning, the preparation, the organising, the ceremony and the honeymoon and less thought as to whether their relationship will have a happy ending.

The expectation of a long-term marriage for life, with the same man seems like a fairy tale to some women. To hear of a couple happily married now-a-days is perceived to be rare, while multiple relationships or marriages seem fashionable as many TV celebrities portrays. It seems as though the wedding vows people make today are either, not easy to keep, or that those vows have no worth, and are easily broken.

Our conference also highlighted that women wanted men who were trustworthy, honest, loyal, loving and committed. He should also be confident, strong and a provider. However many women could not find men who fit into this criteria easily, even in the Church.

Another problem that women faced was that when they meet a man, they could not tell whether he was telling the truth or lying. It was admitted by both men and women, that neither party was wiling to discuss their past relationship, or details of a personal nature, if they could avoid doing so. In fact, we found that both parties would rather participate in a relationship blind, without fully knowing each others past either to avoid embarrassment or humiliation; and if they could, they would hide as many skeletons in their cupboard as possible to avoid being “too transparent”.

We went so far as to ask both men and women, if they had a sexually transmitted disease would they disclose this information prior to getting married. Most people who took part in the debate said, no! The reason given for this was that if they did not get married, or enter into a long term relationship, this information could be used against them, especially if the partners were no longer friends. It would also act as ‘protection’ or a buffer if both parties were unclear who transmitted or had initially contracted the disease.

A final note from our first conference was that men were very protective of their possessions. This included their mobile phones and when men were asked whether they would allow their partner to answer their mobile phone, over 90% of men said no. Men said that it was not that they had anything to hide, but it was their phone and why should their partner want to answer it.

Most women did not understand why men behaved this way but it was very clear to MMV that it was an issue of personal space, control, freedom and privacy, whereas women saw this as secretive, non-transparent and suspicious.

As a solution we suggested to men that all they had to do to alleviate this problem was to allow their partner to answer their phone, but men said all that their partners had to do to alleviate the problem was to trust them.

So how does a woman know if she can trust her man?

Our answer is to watch and pray.

To be continued…..

© Frederick Clarke
Executive (Minister) Director
Mighty Men of Valour



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